Let’s get this straight right off, so you know where I’m coming from. I don’t subscribe to the “Forgive and forget” philosophy. Why? I don’t think it’s healthy, and there’s too many folk who will not do the most important bit.
Forgiving.
I can forgive a lot of things that I think it would be stultifyingly stupid to forget. Else we wouldn’t learn. But here’s a couple of things have happened to me recently, which, to me, demonstrate who some people seem to have to carry hatred to… well I don’t know what. Justify their own position? Take the focus away from their own faults? You decide.
Case1
I was out having beer with a pal. After a while I noticed that some what I thought was a random, was literally following us from bar to bar and using up a fair amount of energy staring at us. Towards the end of the evening this individual approached me and identified himself as the ex- boyfriend of a girl I dated over 30 years ago.
He gave me a dissertation on how I had ruined his life; he had to leave the area, I was the source of all his ills [I should maybe have taped this diatribe and sent it to his wife and children…] But this wasn’t the thing that he was desperate to let me know, Oh no.
He wanted to tell me that he was pleased my son had died because this in some way levelled the playing field for him.
I forgave him as I can only conclude he is mentally ill. Over 30 years of carrying that hatred though.
Case2
A person who once dined at my table, accepted my money and help, recently told their friends they were glad I had cancer.
Why? Because they believed a version of the recent past that distorts reality. And I can only assume they are too afraid to clarify the facts with me because that will shatter their world view.
Could I be reconciled with either of these characters? I’ll be quite honest: I have no wish to be. Can I forgive them? In as much as I’ll never need to interact with them ever again, yes. Can I forget? No. And I think I would be unwise to forget.
Life, it’s quite true, is too short.
